Grow and Glow: Pierre Kahwaji
November is annually celebrated as Men’s Health Month, also known as Movember. During this month, organizations work to raise awareness about men’s health issues like prostate cancer, testicular cancer and mental health, especially suicide. Why Movember? Every year men around the world grow their moustaches to raise awareness about men’s health issues. Glow is a strong ally of men’s physical, mental and emotional health! Through our glow and grow series we strive to bring forward the stories of our communities who bravely share their stories in hopes of inspiring and supporting others.
For this series, we have Pierre Kahwaji, a third-year biology student and the founder of the Men’s Mental Health Club (MMHC) at UBC. The MMHC’s goal is to help men from suffering in silence. Pierre shared “We as men are told too often to be strong and to “man up” but for too many of us, this has resulted in appearing to be strong when we are deeply struggling on the inside. Instead, we want to show that accepting your issues/insecurities and working to improve them is the ultimate strength and is something every man can aspire to.”
Why do you think men are so reluctant to speak about their health, especially mental well-being? Have you noticed any barriers men face related to speaking up about such topics and how do these affect the current state of men’s mental health?
From a young age, a lot of men are told to “man up” and are seen as weak if they show emotion or vocalize their issues. This results in them bottling up their emotions and building resentment towards the world or themselves. The stigmatization around men’s mental health makes it more difficult for men to speak out when they need help, by seeking a helping hand from a friend or potentially seeking professional help.
How can someone be there for a guy in their life who may be struggling?
One of the most important yet simple gestures you can do for any guy in your life that may be struggling is to make them feel seen and heard.
To feel seen: If you can sense that something is wrong with someone, ask the person what’s going on or just ask them how they’re doing. You’ll probably get the classic “I’m fine” or “I’m good like always” Because when most guys are going through something, they tend to stick to themselves instead of reaching out for help.
To feel heard: Respond to “I’m fine” with something like “Well, if you’re ever not fine or just wanna talk/go out for dinner let me know. I’m here and you can reach out to me any time”. By saying this, you are directly making that person feel seen and heard. Now, this may take a couple of days, months, or maybe even a year for them to reach out. But providing that safe space for when they are ready to open up is one of the most crucial things you can do to help someone out. What can often happen with guys who are struggling is that they tend to feel alone, that nobody cares about their problems, and have no one or nowhere to go to for help.
How does a supportive community of men and allies help remove the stigma around men’s mental health?
Forming a community of men that support each other through open discussion will allow us to express our emotions/struggles in a healthy and safe way.
If you could go back in time, what advice will you give your younger self to improve your mental health?
I used to think that avoiding all my problems and pretending like they didn’t affect me was an act of toughness and that appearing emotionless was an act of strength. But as it turned out, neglecting my issues, insecurities, and emotions for years resulted in severely damaging my mental health and increasing my anxiety. I would tell my younger self that it’s okay to feel whatever emotions come to you, whether positive or negative because being strong and stoic isn’t about avoiding feeling emotions, but rather feeling them deeply and having the emotional control to act reasonably. I would also tell my younger self to not neglect my body, as the saying goes “a healthy body is a healthy mind”. In my journey of learning how to improve my well-being, I am constantly reminded of how important it is to keep my body in good shape through exercise, sleep, and good eating habits.
What advice would you give to men reading this now who may be struggling with their mental health?
If you’ve been bottling up emotions or letting your problems pile up, understand that they aren’t going anywhere. Sooner or later they’re gonna catch up to you and maybe when they do it will be too much to handle at once. Be conscious of your current state of mind, and take the time to reflect and accept your shortcomings and insecurities so that you can work to improve them. If you don’t know where to start, focus on your body and the space around you by asking the following questions”
Are you getting any exercise?
Are you having a good breakfast and subsequent meals throughout the day?
Are you getting enough sleep/taking time to relax away from your responsibilities?
Is your room clean/organized?
At the same time, I would suggest seeking counselling, especially if you have student or work benefits that can help cover the costs. Before my first counselling session, I had countless things that had been straining me mentally every day, and now almost a year later I feel much lighter, more confident and mentally tough.
How can the people reading this post contribute in destigmatizing men’s mental health?
One good way to help a struggling friend/brother/or any guy going through something is to talk about mental health openly and casually. I would refrain from formal sit-down conversations or lecturing. We should treat mental health struggles as we would treat any other “injured” part of the body. This is important because mental health is especially stigmatized by labels. For example, describing people as “addict”, “bipolar” or “mentally unstable”, can result in these words becoming that person’s entire identity. This can lead to them being closed off and feeling like there is no point in seeking help since they are not able to change that aspect of themselves. Whereas if someone broke their leg, you wouldn’t definitively label that person a “broken leg”. You would indicate that they are injured and will still be undergoing a process of healing. In the same sense, someone who is struggling with their mental well-being is not defined by the challenges they face.
GROW & GLOW: A series that highlights firsthand accounts, personal experiences, and stories of inspiration from our community and beyond.
For more resources and information about mental health:
Organizations
Suicide and Cancer Help
Talk Suicide Canada: 1 (833) 456-4566
