Glow Chat: Aida Ardelean
Part of our work at Glow Within is to highlight various individuals with unique and impactful stories. As an organization, we value diverse experiences and believe that there is always something to learn from one another. We came up with The Glow Chats series as a way of featuring a broad range of women while bringing light to their work and advocacies.
If you are interested in learning more about attachment styles, check out Aida’s full thesis paper:
To learn more about your own attachment style, here’s a great resource to get started:
The Attachment Project : Free 5-Minute Attachment Style Test
In the midst of social media and the abundance of mobile applications, the dating scene has never been more complicated and confusing. From “sliding into DM’s” to seeking advice from online communities, we are frequently exposed to relationship content online. Although it is more accessible than ever, we also run the risk of encountering mixed messages, toxic views, and unrealistic expectations. When Aida Ardelean first entered university, she quickly discovered that many individuals struggled to enter relationships as they feared no one was actually taking it seriously. She questioned why so many people were behaving in ways that condoned unhealthy connections.
Aida is currently pursuing an Honours degree in Sociology with a minor in Law and Society at the University of British Columbia. She has always been passionate about mental health and social work. While enrolled in a family studies class, she learned about attachment styles and their role in relationships. Not only did the topic pique her interest but it led to countless hours of research and ultimately, a thesis paper. Aida aims to share her findings and help youth better understand themselves in the process.
What inspired you to conduct research on attachment styles?
After discovering attachment styles in one of my classes, I realized how deeply embedded they were in my personal experiences with dating and hookup culture. Many of my peers would often tell me how difficult it was to find a committed relationship as they felt that no one was on the same page or that others were “playing games”. I also noticed that there was a growing trend on social media platforms where toxic dating advice was being promoted and becoming a norm. I began to question the reasoning behind this prominent pattern in dating. When I consulted my research supervisor, she suggested looking into the correlation between attachment styles and other societal factors that impact interpersonal connections. I was intrigued and started diving into literature and previous research. From there, I reached out to various people to conduct interviews and support my analysis.
What are the different attachment styles?
There are four attachment styles: Secure, Avoidant (Dismissive), Anxious (Preoccupied), and Fearful Avoidant. There are also two scales: Avoidance of Intimacy and Anxiety about Abandonment.
There are many factors behind the development of a specific attachment style. Previously, scholars thought it was purely based on childhood experiences. However, now it’s known that it is a combination of those past experiences as well as other relationships that we experience later in life. For instance, Secure attachment develops in childhood when individuals experienced stability and security but were still encouraged to explore and build their own personal identities. On the other hand, individuals who didn't have that secure base but were encouraged to explore typically develop an Avoidant attachment style. They had to learn how to self-soothe because they didn't feel protected by their parents.
Anxious individuals were not encouraged to build their own identities, so they felt the need to latch on to their parents as it was the only way to feel safe. Lastly, when anxious individuals experience significant trauma from their primary caregiver, they learn to associate love with pain and develop a Fearful Avoidant attachment style. They tend to consciously seek intimacy but simultaneously run away from it as they believe they will get hurt. Later on in life, inconsistent or toxic relationships tend to mirror those experiences that we had with our parents. As such, an insecure attachment style can be further exacerbated or shift completely, however, we instinctively return to the same base attachment style that we developed in childhood.
Why do you think it is important to learn about attachment styles?
When relationships end badly, it’s easy to blame the other person and only see the ways in which they have wronged us. However, attachment theory promotes self-awareness which encourages us to grow and heal ourselves. This can help us recognize when both individuals are at fault or question why we are continuously choosing relationships in which we are treated poorly. Although it is hard to admit, we might actually be part of the reason why a specific relationship did not work out. Therefore, if you are seeing a constant negative pattern or cycle repeating in your life, it may be worth reflecting upon what is contributing to the negativity that you experience or why your interpersonal connections tend to mimic one another. By understanding your attachment style, you are better equipped to understand not only your reaction to certain situations but also why others behave the way they do. Overall, this knowledge can lead to more effective communication, increased empathy, improved mental health, and higher confidence levels. It can also lead to dismantling toxic societal norms, promoting healthier representation on social media, and encouraging individuals to question if there are better ways to cope with negative dating experiences.
Why did you choose to focus on hookup culture rather than people in relationships?
Plenty of previous studies have focused on attachment styles in childhood or adult romantic relationships. For a long time, scholars mainly concentrated on children or couples. However, there has been less research conducted regarding young adults and university students who may still be single and in the process of getting to know themselves. Nowadays, hookup culture is dominating the university experience of many and it seems as though the process of dating has been complicated by casual sex. I believe that the younger demographic deserve some consideration and awareness as they are often facing various challenges and stress that could prevent them from creating healthy, long-term connections.
From your research and thesis, is there anything you’d like to highlight to the Glow Within community specifically toward high school girls?
High school is a pivotal time when students are finding themselves and their passions. However, it is also during this time that many individuals are introduced to relationships and dating. Those first few interpersonal connections can be foundational to how you perceive future relationships. At times, students can feel helpless and do not believe that they have control over their circumstances. By learning about topics such as attachment styles, young women are offered the opportunity to reflect upon their behaviours and values. The earlier we begin learning about how to be proactive regarding our mental health, the more self-assured we feel as we enter new phases in our lives.
If you are interested in learning more about attachment styles, here are some resources to check out:
To learn more about your own attachment style, here’s a great resource to get started:
The Attachment Project : Free 5-Minute Attachment Style Test
